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raz face breaker

love sms

there is this special felling which i feel and i know it is love. there is something in the core of your voice that i now hear your voice in every sound and i know it is love. i love you for life

(page 45)

(page 44)

SMS Zone ( Page 44 )
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# Everyone makes mistakes but only ur girlfriends, wife & boss have the gifted talent of finding, remembering and reminding it to you.


# Banta: Why are you fasting?
Santa: I am fasting to protest against hunger strikes.


# American lifestyle
Daughter: Dad, I got married yesterday. But I forget to inform you.
Dad: It`s Ok Darling, but don`t forget to invite me d next time.


# Gandhi`s last words were - `Hey Ram`.
Ponting`s last words would be `Hey Laxman`.


# A girl in a book store.
Girl: Do u have book called `Women - The perfect intelligence`?
Sale man: The comic department is on the other side.


# Teacher: Johnny, name two pronouns.
Johnny: Who, me?
Teacher: Very good!

(page 43)

# Banta: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
Santa: About 45 pounds!!


# Doctor: Madam, ur husband needs rest, plz give him these sleeping pills.
Wife: Doctor, when should I give these pills 2 him?
Doctor: These pills are 4 you.


# English Teacher: Johnny, the clock on the wall is not working, but you have a watch. What time is it?
Johnny: 2 o`watch.


# Two fundamentals of cool life.
1. Walk like u r the king.
2. Walk like u don`t care whosoever the king is.


# Banta Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Santa: Yes, the Empire State Building can`t jump!


# Teacher: How can we get clean water?
Pappu: Bring the water from the river and wash it.

(page 43)

# Banta: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
Santa: About 45 pounds!!


# Doctor: Madam, ur husband needs rest, plz give him these sleeping pills.
Wife: Doctor, when should I give these pills 2 him?
Doctor: These pills are 4 you.


# English Teacher: Johnny, the clock on the wall is not working, but you have a watch. What time is it?
Johnny: 2 o`watch.


# Two fundamentals of cool life.
1. Walk like u r the king.
2. Walk like u don`t care whosoever the king is.


# Banta Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Santa: Yes, the Empire State Building can`t jump!


# Teacher: How can we get clean water?
Pappu: Bring the water from the river and wash it.

(page 42)

# Teacher: How old is ur father?
Santa: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Santa: He became father only after I was born.


# Having a wife is a part of living.
But living with your wife and having a girl friend is called the art of living.


# C.A.T. exam best question: Spell d word `COW` in 13 letters.
Topper replies: See o double you.


# Banta: What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Santa: Magnets have a positive side!


# Q: What did the gangster`s son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything.


# A boy came running to the kitchen.
Boy: Dad, there is an ugly monster at the door.
Dad (Looking at his wife): Tell him we have already got one!

(page 41)

# Santa: What is my exam number?
Teacher: It`s 438625.
Santa: I paid Rs.1000 for exam, please give me a fancy number!!!


# Santa: In my dreams, rats play football every night.
Dr: Take this tablet, you will be OK.
Santa: Can I take it tomorrow?
Dr.: Y?
Santa: Tonight is the final match.


# Santa & Banta were talking.
Banta: I got married bcoz I was tired of eating out, cleaning house, & doing laundry work.
Santa: I took divorce 4 the same reason!


# Santa is driving a jeep in a jungle.
Tourist: How do we escape if lion comes now?
Santa: Give right indicator and turn left.


# Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes d whole nyt.
He got so irritated dat he drank poison & said: Ha ha! bite me now u devils, now all of u will die.


# Teacher: What will we get if 1 atom of BA & 2 atoms of NA combined?
Pappu: BANANA

(page 40)

# Santa: Doctor! This medicine is not available at any medical store.
Doctor: Oh Sorry, I forgot to write the medicine. That was my signature.


# Santa: My wedding was going to happen but...
Banta: But? What`s the problem?
Santa: My wife didn`t know it.


# Santa: What is the similarity between a girlfriend and a mobile?
Banta: Both are disconnected when there is no money.


# Santa: I failed in every subject except for Algebra.
Banta: How did you keep from failing that?
Santa: No! I didn`t take Algebra.


# Lady: So you want to become my son-in-law?
Santa: Not really, but I don`t see any other way 2 marry ur daughter.


# Banta: Why are you standing below a tube light with an open mouth?
Santa: Because my doctor advised me `Today`s dinner should be light`.

(page 39)

# Jeeto was teaching Grammar
Jeeto: 'I am beautiful'. Which tense is this?
Santa: Past tense.


# Interviewer: Why did you changed your last job?
Santa: Because the company shifted and didn`t tell me where..


# Santa: Jeeto darling, just say a few words that will mean heaven.
Jeeto: Go and shoot yourself.


# Jeeto was about to give birth to a baby.
Santa: If it looks like you, it would be great.
Jeeto: If it looks like you, it would be a miracle.


# Santa: I tried your number so many times, it always said `Switched Off`!
Banta: No. It`s my Hello Tune.


# Santa: May I come in Sir?
Interviewer: Wait please.
Santa: 80 Kg Sir!

(page 38)

# Manager: A room with double bed? But sir you are alone?
Santa: Yes, It is just that I wish to enjoy the silence from the other bed.


# Preeto: I wonder if I could borrow your rug beater?
Jeeto: I am sorry but he doesn`t get home till 8 o`clock.


# Santa: I wonder why it is we can`t save anything?
Jeeto: It is the neighbours dear, they are always doing something we can`t afford.


# Preeto: I will kiss you on the chin.
Banta: Can`t you raise your offer?


# Preeto: I would rather see Banta hanged.
Jeeto: You marry him and it won't be long before he will hang himself.


# He: If you keep looking like that I am going to kiss you.
She: Well hurry up, I can`t hold this expression much longer.

(page 37)

# Paying respects to the gods,
And decorating for them the thali,
This is what the occasion is all about,
Celebrate the spirit of Diwali!


# Love me but, leave me not.
Kiss me but, miss me not.
Hit me but, hate me not.
Remember me but forget me not.
Happy Diwali!


# With my 1 heart, 2 eyes, 7 litre blood, 206 bones, 4.5 million red cells, 60 trillion D.N.A.`S. All wishing you a very HAPPY DIWALI!


# After release of Robot, Rajnikanth gave Times of India 3 stars.


# Let this Diwali, the burst of light that it is, light up ur life in every possible way.
Above all, may u know inner light.
Love & light. Happy Diwali!


# With gleam of Diyas & the Echo of the Chants May Happiness and Contentment Fill ur life
Wishing u & ur Family very happy and prosperous Diwali!

(page 36)

# Intel`s new ad:
Rajnikanth Inside.


# Let`s celebrate Diwali cuz its meaning never ends and its spirit keep us warm as we remember friends. Every broken relationship does Diwali mend.
Happy Diwali!


# This is to finally announce that I have started accepting Diwali gifts Cash, Cheques, DDS, Bill of Exchange, Travellers Cheques, Promissory Notes and Hundis. Avoid last day rush. Send now!
Happy Diwali!


# Faith makes all things possible,
Hope makes all things work,
Love makes all things beautiful,
May u hav all d three,
on d festival of this lights!
Happy Diwali!


# Lights & Candles.
Sweetmeats & Candies.
Sparkles & Crackles.
May all these lighten & sweeten ur Diwali!


# May ur happiness b as big as Ganeshji`s ears, ur problem b as tiny as His mouse, ur life b as long as His trunk n moments b as sweet as His Laddu.
Happy Diwali!

(page 35)

# Santa: I had a fine dream last night. I dreamed I was touring the world in a fine car.
Jeeto: Yes, I heard the engine snorting.


# Boss: 2day is my wife`s b`day. I want 2 please her when I go home this evening. Can u suggest anything?
Secretary: I suggest u remove that lipstick 4m ur face.


# Banta: Do you think a genius ever makes a good husband?
Santa: You should better ask my wife.


# Preeto: How do you know for sure that your husband was drunk?
Jeeto: He wanted to kiss me.


# Banta: I have worked under the same boss for 20 years.
Santa: That`s nothing. Its my silver wedding anniversary next week.


# Banta: What becomes of the average man`s income?
Santa: It goes to the average woman.

(page 34)

# Santa: I had a fine dream last night. I dreamed I was touring the world in a fine car.
Jeeto: Yes, I heard the engine snorting.


# Boss: 2day is my wife`s b`day. I want 2 please her when I go home this evening. Can u suggest anything?
Secretary: I suggest u remove that lipstick 4m ur face.


# Banta: Do you think a genius ever makes a good husband?
Santa: You should better ask my wife.


# Preeto: How do you know for sure that your husband was drunk?
Jeeto: He wanted to kiss me.


# Banta: I have worked under the same boss for 20 years.
Santa: That`s nothing. Its my silver wedding anniversary next week.


# Banta: What becomes of the average man`s income?
Santa: It goes to the average woman.

(page 33)

# One of the best msgs that I have received...
Life is beautiful
Terms & Conditions of wife apply.


# Inspector: It says that the man was shot by his wife at close range.
Expert: Then there must have been powder marks on the body.
Inspector: That is why she shot him.


# Son: How do they catch the lunatics daddy?
Father: With face powder, lipstick and skimpy clothes.


# Banta: How much of ur salary do u take home 2 ur wife on pay day?
Santa: None.
Banta: How`s dat?
Santa: She meets me outside d office & takes it herself.


# Doc to Jeeto: Any history of insanity in the family?
Jeeto: Yes, my husband thinks he is the boss.


# He: Does your father object to kissing?
She: You yourself can find out after kissing him.

(page 32)

# Banta: What was the real reason of your divorce?
Santa: Our marriage.


# As promised to Obama, India is giving jobs to Americans...
Pamela Anderson is the first recruitment


# Santa: You cheated me.
Shopkeeper: How?
Santa: You said this is America made radio. But when I put it on, it says All India Radio.


# A couple planned to commit suicide together. But once the wife killed herself, he changed his mind as things suddenly looked more positive.


# The ultimate and the Rajnikanth award goes to `OSCAR`!


# Breaking news:
Rajnikanth was shot today.
Tomorrow is the bullet`s funeral.

(page 32)

# Banta: What was the real reason of your divorce?
Santa: Our marriage.


# As promised to Obama, India is giving jobs to Americans...
Pamela Anderson is the first recruitment


# Santa: You cheated me.
Shopkeeper: How?
Santa: You said this is America made radio. But when I put it on, it says All India Radio.


# A couple planned to commit suicide together. But once the wife killed herself, he changed his mind as things suddenly looked more positive.


# The ultimate and the Rajnikanth award goes to `OSCAR`!


# Breaking news:
Rajnikanth was shot today.
Tomorrow is the bullet`s funeral.

(page 32)

# Banta: What was the real reason of your divorce?
Santa: Our marriage.


# As promised to Obama, India is giving jobs to Americans...
Pamela Anderson is the first recruitment


# Santa: You cheated me.
Shopkeeper: How?
Santa: You said this is America made radio. But when I put it on, it says All India Radio.


# A couple planned to commit suicide together. But once the wife killed herself, he changed his mind as things suddenly looked more positive.


# The ultimate and the Rajnikanth award goes to `OSCAR`!


# Breaking news:
Rajnikanth was shot today.
Tomorrow is the bullet`s funeral.

(page 31)

# Jeeto: I hav read in a newspaper dat widows make d best wives.
Santa: May be! Bt u can`t expect me 2 kill myself dat u can b good wife 2 sum1 else.


# A widow wrote on the tombstone of her husband.
Rest in peace-till we meet again.


# Banta: Did Ramesh furnish his whole house with second-hand stuff?
Santa: Yes, he even married a widow.


# One: I am the fourth husband of my wife.
Two: You are not a husband but a habit.


# One: It is sickening the way my wife keeps talking about her ex-husband.
Two: That is nothing. Mine keeps talking about her next husband.


# Woman: When my husband left me, he said: he was going to join the army for a little peace.

(page 30)

# Jeeto: I hav read in a newspaper dat widows make d best wives.
Santa: May be! Bt u can`t expect me 2 kill myself dat u can b good wife 2 sum1 else.


# A widow wrote on the tombstone of her husband.
Rest in peace-till we meet again.


# Banta: Did Ramesh furnish his whole house with second-hand stuff?
Santa: Yes, he even married a widow.


# One: I am the fourth husband of my wife.
Two: You are not a husband but a habit.


# One: It is sickening the way my wife keeps talking about her ex-husband.
Two: That is nothing. Mine keeps talking about her next husband.


# Woman: When my husband left me, he said: he was going to join the army for a little peace.

(page 29)

# Jeeto: I hav read in a newspaper dat widows make d best wives.
Santa: May be! Bt u can`t expect me 2 kill myself dat u can b good wife 2 sum1 else.


# A widow wrote on the tombstone of her husband.
Rest in peace-till we meet again.


# Banta: Did Ramesh furnish his whole house with second-hand stuff?
Santa: Yes, he even married a widow.


# One: I am the fourth husband of my wife.
Two: You are not a husband but a habit.


# One: It is sickening the way my wife keeps talking about her ex-husband.
Two: That is nothing. Mine keeps talking about her next husband.


# Woman: When my husband left me, he said: he was going to join the army for a little peace.

(page 28)

# Boy: Did you know that the most intelligent kid in our class is deaf?
Girl: That is unfortunate.
Boy: What did you say?


# Pappu: Excuse me, but I don`t think I deserve a mark of 0 for this exam paper.
Teacher: Neither do I, but it is the lowest mark I can give.


# Teacher: In this exam, you will be allowed 10 minutes for each question.
Pappu: And how long for each answer?


# There was the dentist who went back to medical college to become a gynaecologist, This guy wanted to get into bigger cavities.


# Banta: What is the best way to see flying saucers?
Santa: Pinch the waitress.


# Jeeto: I want you to explain why I have to wear these same old clothes.
Santa: Bcoz if u don`t, you could scare the dog.

(page 27)

# Boy: Did you know that the most intelligent kid in our class is deaf?
Girl: That is unfortunate.
Boy: What did you say?


# Pappu: Excuse me, but I don`t think I deserve a mark of 0 for this exam paper.
Teacher: Neither do I, but it is the lowest mark I can give.


# Teacher: In this exam, you will be allowed 10 minutes for each question.
Pappu: And how long for each answer?


# There was the dentist who went back to medical college to become a gynaecologist, This guy wanted to get into bigger cavities.


# Banta: What is the best way to see flying saucers?
Santa: Pinch the waitress.


# Jeeto: I want you to explain why I have to wear these same old clothes.
Santa: Bcoz if u don`t, you could scare the dog.

(page 26)

# Banta: There are 54 bars in this town and I am proud to say that I have never been in one of them.
Santa: Which one is that?


# Santa: Would you like me to help you with your homework.
Pappu: No thanks, I can get it wrong by myself.


# Preeto: I have just come back from the beauty parlour.
Jeeto: Pity it was closed.


# Banta: What is the difference between a nail and a boxer?
Santa: One gets knocked in the other gets knocked out.


# Banta: When is it unlucky to see a black cat?
Santa: When you are a mouse.


# Santa: Do you know that it is not fall that kills you, it is the sudden stop at the end.

(page 25)

# Lady: When you are finished with me, will my husband think I am beautiful?
Beautician: May be, does he still drink a lot?


# Wife: Can you explain to me how this lipstick got on your collar?
Husband: No, I really can`t. I distinctly remembered having taken my shirt off.


# Banta: I have been trying to think of a word for two weeks.
Santa: It`s a fortnight.


# All of our politicians play KBC in reverse manner. They make crores and crores first and then answer the questions later.


# What`s d difference between people who pray in Temples and people who pray in d Exam Centres?
Those in d exam centres are damn serious.


# Santa (to receptionist of hotel): Can you give me a room and a bath?
Receptionist: I can give you a room, but you will have to have a bath yourself.

(page 24)

# Banta: Doctor: I am having trouble with my breathing.
Doctor: I will give you something that will soon stop that.


# A sign in a cafe:
All drinking water in this cafe has been passed by the management.


# Father: When I was a young man, girls knew how to blush.
Son: What did you say to them?


# Preeto: I won`t marry you, and you know why?
Banta: No, I can`t think.
Preeto: That`s why.


# Santa: The planes are so fast these days that there is no time to get acquainted with the air hostess.


# Santa: I know an engaged couple who hav a prblm.
Banta: Wat is d prblm?
Santa: She wants 2 mary him wen he is not drunk & he won`t mary her wen he is sober.

(page 23)

# May each day of the coming year be vibrant and bring along abundant reasons for celebrations.
Happy New Year!


# Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better person. Happy New Year!


# Here is a wish that the coming year is a glorious one that rewards all your endeavors with success. Happy New Year!


# God bless u & keep u safe, not only today bt throughout life that is coming ur way. May d year to follow be among d best u ever spent! Happy New Year!


# If one night a big fat man enters through your chimney and grabs you and puts you in a sack, don`t worry. I told Santa I wanted you for Christmas.


# May the joy and peace of Christmas be with you all through the Year. Wishing you a season of blessings from heaven above!

(page 22)

# May each day of the coming year be vibrant and bring along abundant reasons for celebrations.
Happy New Year!


# Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better person. Happy New Year!


# Here is a wish that the coming year is a glorious one that rewards all your endeavors with success. Happy New Year!


# God bless u & keep u safe, not only today bt throughout life that is coming ur way. May d year to follow be among d best u ever spent! Happy New Year!


# If one night a big fat man enters through your chimney and grabs you and puts you in a sack, don`t worry. I told Santa I wanted you for Christmas.


# May the joy and peace of Christmas be with you all through the Year. Wishing you a season of blessings from heaven above!

(page21)

# May each day of the coming year be vibrant and bring along abundant reasons for celebrations.
Happy New Year!


# Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better person. Happy New Year!


# Here is a wish that the coming year is a glorious one that rewards all your endeavors with success. Happy New Year!


# God bless u & keep u safe, not only today bt throughout life that is coming ur way. May d year to follow be among d best u ever spent! Happy New Year!


# If one night a big fat man enters through your chimney and grabs you and puts you in a sack, don`t worry. I told Santa I wanted you for Christmas.


# May the joy and peace of Christmas be with you all through the Year. Wishing you a season of blessings from heaven above!

(page 20)

# Each moment in a day has its own value. Morning brings Hope; Afternoon brings Faith; Evening brings Love and Night brings Rest. Hope you have all of them everyday.
Happy New Year!


# May dis new year bring many opportunities ur way, 2 explore every joy of lyf & may ur resolutions 4 d days ahead stay firm, turning all ur dreams into reality & all ur efforts into great achievements.


# A Life of Joy, A Joyful Spirit, A Spiritual Body, A Body full of Health, A Healthy Heart, A Heart full of Love, A Love with Soul, A Soulful Happiness & a Happy New Year! All these r my Prayers 4 u!


# Receive my simple gift of love, Wrapped with sincerity; Tied with care & Sealed with blessings to keep u happy & safe in all of 2011.
Happy New Year!


# On the onset of the new year sending you the warmest of wishes.
Happy New Year!


# Before the sun sets in this year;
Before the memories fade;
And before the networks get jammed; Wish u and ur family a Happy New Year 2011!

(page 19)

# Banta: How do you know when you are getting old?
Santa: When the candles cost more than the cake.


# On a sign board in New Delhi:
Wear a helmet or you may have a hell mate.


# Her telephone is a private number - every private has it.


# Banta: Have you noticed that most heroes are married man?
Santa: Every married man is a hero.


# Crazy fact of today`s generation.
Once upon a time, girls used to cook like their mothers.
But now they drink like their fathers.


# He: What you prefer in a man - wealth, position, character or appearance?
She: Appearance and the sooner the better.

joker

Banta: Dancing is in my blood.
Preeto: It means your blood circulation is poor, it has not reached your feet yet.

Santa: My son`s teacher regards him as a wonder child.
Banta: Why wonder child?
Santa: Bcoz the teacher wonders whether he will ever learn anything.

Santa: I gave a moving performance in singing.
Banta: What do you mean by moving performance?
Santa: Everyone moved out of theatre.

Sometimes opportunity knock at the door, other times the knock spoils the opportunity.

Weather Man: I have been transferred to Delhi.
Wife: I have noticed the weather here does not agree with you.

He: I would go through anything for you.
She: Ok, let`s start with your bank accou

kat in luv wid ranbir .....

men vs women

# Wife: Why have you been reading our marriage certificate for an hour?
Husband: I was looking for the expiry date.


# A mother makes her son `intelligent` in 20 years but a girl makes him `stupid` in 2 minutes.


# Brain is the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours and 365 days right from birth until you fall in love.


# Santa: I made a big mistake when I told d doctor dat I m a tailor.
Banta: Y? Wat happened?
Santa: After d operation he told me 2 put stitches on my cut.


# Most men tie the watch in their left hand.
And woman tie the watch in the right hand.
Do u know y?
To see time.


# Life without U is impossible. U r in my breath and blood. I can`t spend a sec without you. If u left me, I`ll die. Ooye hello, I`m talking abt Oxygen.

cool sms

# Judge: Third time you are coming to court. You don`t have any shame?
Santa: Your honour! Why do u coming daily?


# Banta was d official driver of a minister. Once d minister asked him, `Banta let me drive d car 2day.`
Banta: It is a car & not d sarkar which any1 can drive.


# Judge: Why did u shoot ur wife and not her lover?
Santa: Your honour, it`s easier 2 shoot a woman once then shooting one man every week.


# Dr: Madam, your husband needs rest and please so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Dr: They are for you.


# Santa: Have u read William Shakespeare?
Banta: No. By the way, who wrote it?


# Life is beautiful!
Terms & conditions of the wife apply.

funny sms

# Teacher: Why are you doing your math multiplications on the floor?
Pappu: You told me to do it without using tables.


# While in a drug store.
Santa: I`d like some vitamins 4 my son.
Pharmacist: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Santa: Any will do, my son doesn`t know d alphabets yet!!


# Teacher: Why are you late, Pappu?
Pappu: Well Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.


# Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.


# There is a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.
It`s called marriage.


# Q: Why doesn`t law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offense!

free sms

# There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it.

# Husband: When I`m gone, you`ll never find another man like me.
Wife: What makes you think I`d want another man like you!

# 1st Prisoner: What were you convicted for?
2nd Prisoner: Nothing.
1st Prisoner: Honestly for nothing. I stole a wallet, but there was nothing in it?

# Once God thought He cannot look after everyone so He created `Mother`.
When devil saw that God created `Mother`, he became crazy and created Mother-In-Law!

# Why couldn`t the Santa write the number `eleven`?
He didn`t know which `one` came first.

# Why does Santa keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?
They`re there for those who don`t drink.